In Memory of Ryan Dageneffe

Today is September 5th. And Labor Day weekend is here. Every year at this time, I remember the terrible accident (more like murder) that I witnessed of this weekend in 2000, while I was on my way home after visiting my friend Doug in Green Bay.



It was close to Bar time( around 2AM I think) and I was driving down Walnut Street, heading south through downtown Green Bay. It was raining hard and thundering and lightning, but was also very warm and muggy. I was sitting at a stoplight on Wallnut and Washington, waiting for the light to turn green.



As I was sitting there, with my window open-enjoying the rain pelting me on the arm and waiting for the light to turn green, I saw and heard three young people (a woman and two men) to my left, walking towards my truck as they were crossing the street.

I remembered thinking how fun they sounded and how much of a good time they must have been having. It sounded like they had just come from a night of having fun at one of the local bars by the mall.



I remember hearing one of the people ( I think it was the girl) say something like "Come on...we can make it across if we run" as the light was just about to turn green for me to go. At that point I am thinking "Stupid kids"......and then the light turned green for me to go...but they were running across the walk (hands joined) so I stayed stopped to let them pass in front of me. The light was green for me to go but I figured they weren't going to stop and just waited for them to get past me before going on through the intersection.

And then the unspeakable happened......



Just as the three of them passed the right side of the front of my truck....I heard a loud unexplainable noise from my right, tires squealing, and then screams like out of a "horror movie" and I looked up and saw three bodies literally flying up and across the roadway, right in front of my eyes, and in what seemed like "slow motion", all three landing in the intersection in three different spots of the street!! One of the guys to the left and across from the intersection, the lady a few feet ahead of him and the other guy to the right, the farthest away, in the middle of the roadway.

I quickly looked to my right, saw a car stopped in then middle of the intersection...and then it took off at high speed...again squealing it's tires. I was in shock and dumbfounded as to what had just happened....I couldn't believe it.



I jumped out of my truck -I don't even remember putting my truck in park or shutting it off or anything- and ran to where the two people were laying on the left side of the intersection.

(The whole time people were screaming and yelling on all sides of the street as it was close to bar time and there was lots of people spilling out of the bars just as the accident happened.) They were both laying there and other people were also running over to them and they looked like they were both semi-conscious.......



..........And then I ran over to where the other guy was thrown

(-I would later find out that this was Ryan- )

and he was laying on his stomach, breathing very hard and I bent down to see what I could do-(God..at this point I am in utter shock and shaking and I think crying...I don't remember) I put my hand on his shoulder and told him to "hold on...your gonna be ok...help is coming"...and then I heard the sirens and saw the ambulance (it seemed like forever, but iI guess it was less then 5 minutes from the time of the accident to the arrival of the ambulance and police). I just sat there in the pouring rain talking to him and trying to comfort and reassure him that he was going to be ok. I saw the first paramedic and police officers over by the other two and I yelled over at them that this guy was seriously hurt and needed someone to look at him right away. The paramedic (or was it a police officer..I don't remember) yelled back at me and told me to just sit close and talk to him and they would be right over. I just kept saying "Hold on buddy...your gonna be ok" and kept my hand lightly on his back. A few minutes and the paramedic were there and they told me to back up and to go over by the police officer just behind me.



The rain kept coming down, it was thundering and lightning and I was standing there in the middle of the street soaked, telling the police officer what had just happened. Shortly after, the ambulance left..the police cordoned off the area with yellow tape and all the onlookers dispersed and went on their way home. I was still in shock, so once the officer took my statement and let me go.



I drove back over to Doug's house...it was close to 3am by this time, if not after. I ring Doug's doorbell....and start to tell him what had just happened....and start crying and.....he is like "well get in here!!!" is all I remember him saying. I sat for a while, he told me to stay over night..I contemplated...but then thought it would be better for me to just get back to Racine and sleep in my own bed.



I think I left Green Bay around 345AM....and drove three long hours, crying and shaking the whole way, reliving every second of those poor young people being hit and thrown like ragdolls, putting up with bad thunderstorms, driving rain and wind (I43 had flooded out in one section along the way) and I think I made it into Racine around 630Am. I know I needed to stop at the hotel to talk to Doris and let her know of what happened. I broke down (again) as I was recounting what had happened to her..and then went home to try and get some sleep. I was exhausted.

I got home around 730AM. I couldn't sleep and when I did manage to doze off, I kept remembering the accident in vivid detail..and the phone rang midmorning and it was Green Bay Police wanting more information about the incident....so I recounted what happened yet again.I asked the officer how the three were and he said he really couldn't say much but that they were all alive but that one of the young men was in a coma. I asked him if he could please tell me which person this was in relation to the accident and he did say it was the young man who I had been sitting with.

I didn't go to work that night.....and kept wondering how those three were doing. I tried calling the Green Bay hospitals but they wouldn't give me any info as I wasn't family. I did call Doug and told him to keep me informed of any news on tv or anywhere else.



I kept looking on the internet for info but nothing other than the accident reports. And then on Monday I got a call from Doug. Ryan had passed away after surgery. He had never regained consciences. I was crushed....and I didn't even know this guy.



I tried to keep up with all the information on the accident, the ongoing investigation, and found out a lot about Ryan and his life ( and the other two....Josh and Lisa I think)through various stories. I contemplated going to the funeral but then thought that it might me awkward, and though I didn't personally know him, my life was touched by him. I drove back up a few weeks later to give a deposition to the police for the trial of the accused (Florez- I remember his name)



I also went through some tough emotions, thinking that I was partially responsible for the accident in a way.

How you might ask? Ok...stay with me here for a minute...........

I am sitting at the light....

three people are running across the road and before they even get to my truck...

the light is green for me to go....

and if I wouldn't have waited for them to cross and went through before they crossed my path....

maybe they would have had a chance to see the car that ended up hitting them (basically, I was their blind spot so to speak).

But everyone I have ever talked to has told me that I shouldn't think that way and that what happened...happened....I should never feel that I was anything other than an innocent bystander.



The sad ending of this story is that the guy who hit and killed Ryan (and who seriously injured the other two) got like 10 stinking years....for murder, not having a license, leaving the scene of the accident, being intoxicated........



There was another good Samaritan who if it had not been for her, he probably would have gotten away. She was behind his car and followed him long enough to get his plate number. The cops later found him "having sex with some woman" on the east side of Green Bay in the early hours of the morning. Go figure.....get drunk...kill a guy....go have nookie!!! Isn't life strange???



A final note: As this weekend was approaching, I was looking through the internet and I found (after a little googling) a letter that had been written by Ryan's mom to a "best friend" of his. I am still kind of in "awe" of it's contents. A wonderful letter. I then dug a little deeper and found this "friend's" diary journal on line....and started reading her entries. I was transfixed. There are numerous entries about Ryan...each of them a little different..all of them telling of a friend grieving for another friend. I feel so much for this person...and the only thing I know about her is that her name is Julie, I think she lives in Boston....and she sounds like someone who Ryan was lucky to have as a friend.



I hope to make it up to Green Bay on Monday to at last pay my respects to this young man whose life was cut so terribly short by another person's unthoughtful and awful actions and to see the "memorial tree" that his mom put in that park in memory of him. Maybe I can finally get a little closure also.



I have copied the contents of the letter that Ryan's mom wrote to this woman and also her first entry in her diary where she talks about Ryan and the accident.



Some day maybe she will read my blog here and realize that there was ANOTHER Samaritan that was with Ryan in his final awful hours....yours truly.

____________________________________________________________________

Letter from Ryan's mom to his friend Julie, and following a DIARY ENTRY that Julie wrote, talking about the accident:



25 June 2001 - An e-mail from Ryan's mom

This is an e-mail that I got from Ryan's mom (again, the close friend of mine that was killed by a drunk driver in September of 2000). This e-mail really made me smile. I can't wait to visit the spot...

Hi Julie. Yes I did have a tree planted in Ryan's Memory at Voyager Park. Initially I wanted to have it planted at the Botanical Gardens in Green Bay. But I was informed that they didn't do that anymore. Then J told me about the Botanical Gardens in Milwaukee. But what they had to offer was, kind of like "rent a tree" that was already there and you could have a plaque placed and pay so much a year. I wanted a new young tree to grow in Ryan's Memory. I kept the info at the foot of my big chair upstairs in the living room forever looking, debating.. Then one day when I walking at Voyager Park along the path I saw a tree with a plaque at the base of it and I called the Deeper City Forrester the next day and said I want to do that. He was awesome and I told him that I wanted a tree that flowers in the spring and continues with its fruit into the winter. He said he knew what I was talking about. He said he would find me a tree. He called me and said "M I have the Tree for you". It is a Prairifire Crabapple" It has a rose-pink mass of flowers. When they are done blooming the tree continues with foliage in purple vein the rest of the season. In the fall the tree leaves turn to orange red and maroon crabapples continue into winter. And they stay on the tree. It will grow 25 feet tall and wide. I met with Him to find a place to plant it. At first he suggested to plant it near where the new deeper Library will be planted. When I saw where that was ( up near the street) it didn't feel right. I asked him if it were possible that the tree could be planted along the river. ( now I am going to go back a few days before this meeting_ My friend B and I were walking the trail along the river and I had said to her. If Ryan's Tree could be planted anywhere I would want it here.) Right on the bank along the walkway looking over the River. OK so the guy said come with me. And the closer we got to the River and the closer we got to where I had just said to B this is where I want the tree planted, my heart was pounding and he stopped right where I had just said to B. I am not exaggerating right there. So there it is and yes it is now planted. I saw it in bloom. (even such a young tree was filled with blossoms) Wait till you see Julie. I was waiting and waiting for the plaque that I had made to be placed. ( They couldn't place it forever because of all rain we had. And the Forrester said he couldn't give me a "date" due to weather. So I would go down every few days to see. And this past Wednesday my Brother J was in town and I took him down to the park to see the Tree and low and behold the Plaque was placed. The Sun was setting and right in line with the tree. I was so glad J was with me. It is beautiful. The plaque says "In Loving Memory of Ryan E. Degeneffe 1977-2000. It is a place to go and not a "GRAVE YARD" a beautiful place filled with life and activity. I am glad I was patient and waited. I feel I was guided. I think of you all the time and I hope you are well. Ryan loved you so much, from day one. Love, M

I know that Ryan would have loved this, I know he is smiling down on his mom for doing this for him...he would have HATED being in a grave yard, he would have hated people visiting a grave to remember him, this is perfect, his mom did the perfect thing. It makes me feel good inside to know that his mom did what he would have wanted. And I am happy that I can go visit this spot to remember him, but I don't have to be in a depressing place to do that. I want to get up there to see it as soon as possible. Maybe I could do that this week.

I am feeling much better. I have to get to the dr. again, they have to run some tests at the hospital on me - just outpatient though. My stomach still keeps getting a little upset, but I have eaten and kept everything down pretty well. I went for a mile walk last night and was okay, just tired. I was thinking about trying to jog a mile either tonight or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow, I don't know if I have the energy yet, I don't want to overdo it.

Well, I have a lot to do, a ton of laundry...ohhhh, tooo...sick....to....do ....laundry. Nuts, I was hoping that would work, I guess I still have to do it ;)



And this woman's diary entry talking about the accident that ultimately took Ryan's life:





13 Apr 2001 - still grieving the death of Ryan

So, as I talked about earlier, my very good friend was killed by a drunk driver. Ryan stood up in my wedding almost exactly 1 month before he was murdered. I am so happy to have all the pictures that we have of him, the video that we have of him. The videographer only caught one of the toasts, it thankfully happened to be Ryan's. Ryan was standing up in another friend of his wedding, the rehearsal was Friday night, the wedding party went out after the dinner. Ryan was walking arm in arm with two of his close friends across the street at 2 am. A car ran a red light, hit the three of them, slowed down for a second and then sped off. Ryan's angels were sitting at the stop light in their car, saw the accident and had the presence of mind to leave the accident and chase the car to get the license plate number. If it weren't for those 2 girls, that loser would still be free. Ryan's two friends have undergone several surgeries and are okay, however will probably forever have pain and problems with their legs. All three of them only 23 years old. Ryan took the brunt of the hit, his head took the brunt of the hit. He was still alive at the scene, still breathing anyway. The neandrothal that hit them, went to a bar afterwards, picked up a lady and slept with her before the police showed up to arrest him 3 hours after the incident. He had alcohol on his breath, but there was no way to prove that he did at the time of the accident. Ryan was unconscious...the took him to surgery thinking that if they removed a blood clot from his brain that he might pull through. The surgery went well, but Ryan was brain dead, there was nothing they could do. He died. Many of Ryan's friends showed up at the araignment (don't know how to spell that one). The criminal is here from Puerto Rico, no driver's license, doesn't speak a lick of English. Asked the judge for work release, happily, the judge laughed in his face and said no way. He has just recently been sentenced finally, 10 years in jail. Hardly fair...he took a life, left the scene, had sex. He didn't care that he had just changed the lives directly of three young people, not to mention all the family and friends of all of them, particularly of my dear Ryan. He was so full of life and happiness. I still dream of him at least two nights of the week. In those dreams, he tells me that he is okay and gives me the hug and kiss that I wish I could have given to him before he took his final breath. It might sound odd, but I still feel that I don't have closure. I was out of town at the time of the accident, so I didn't get to say goodbye to my dear friend. It was a closed casket - he was pretty beat up and he was such a goodlooking person, he would never have wanted people to see him that way. I was at the funeral, but still feel like someday I will see him walking down the street. I even dreamt that he called me to meet him for lunch. He told me that he had faked the whole death thing just so he could change his name and move to CA!! It has been since sept, yet I still just ache when I think of him. I want my hatred for the man who is sitting in jail to subside, but it almost seems like it gets worse as the weeks/months pass. Ryan was my roommate for a year in college, and every day, I thank the Lord that I had that time to spend with him. Memories that I had forgotten about often seep back into my mind when I see something to remind me or when I hear a certain song. I miss him so much....I hate his killer so much. I feel that he got off far tooooooooo easily. When will the healing begin????? I don't want to go to my aunt's funeral this weekend...it will be twice as hard to go because not only will I be grieving the loss of her, but I know that it will bring back the memories of Ryan's funeral. It's like I want to pull the daggars from my stomach, but if I do, I will surely bleed to death.

___________________________________________________________________

There are so many more of her entries talking about Ryan. I can only imagine what she must be going through still to this day. Not having "closure" for something like loosing a close friend or family member is one of the worst feelings in the world...I know.......I didnt get a chance to properly say goodbye to my mom before she passed away. (I will write about that someday possibly....)



Maybe I will try contacting her via email to let her know of how I was by his side through the short time he was laying in the road and possibly see about finally getting in touch with Ryan's mom to just say hi and also let her know of who I am and where I was in relation to that awful night. I could use some "closure" on that part of things also.



I have never talked to any of the people involved in the accident or his mom. Though I did learn that all three were attending secondary school in the Milwaukee area at that time. Kind of weird when you think about our locations at that time. Three people attending school in Milwaukee and up in Green Bay on Labor day weekend......me living in Racine (which is 30 minutes south of Milwaukee) up in Green Bay on the Labor Day weekend. I have thought about that often.



That is all for today.......



John